Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Tenser, said the Tensor. Tension, apprehension, And dissension have begun

"What is the status of the Great Culling of Quacks narrative?" asked the usual chorus of voices in my head. "For over a week has passed since the last report; surely more drama has ensued since then. Also we have that stockpiled windfall of Stupid to work through."

And indeed, Derpsichore the Muse of Alt-Facts Butthurt has not been idle, and a communiqué appeared in the Riddled mailbox, deposited there by helpful pixies.
[Cue Dramatic Chords]
It is worth reading for the revelation that image photoshopping is detectable by tilting your computer screen and viewing it at the right angle, allowing the underlying pixels to show through the overlaid ones and change the colour of the image. Do not be deterred by the perfervid rodomontade of the writing... nor by the typographic style, which is that of 1640s Ranter manifestos, headed by an unprioritised busy-ness of pictures and MAJUSCULE SUB-HEADS overlapping and jostling for visual space, all convinced that they are the lede, and determined not to be buried.

Speaking of arch-Leveller post-Revolution Ranter pamphlets, surely I am not alone in thinking that "A Fiery Flying Roll" would be a good name for a fast-food delivery service.

Come to the point, Uncle Smut! 'Insert your chopstick in the solid meat!' [Bramah 1927]
OK. The communiqué impugns the personal morality of Erin Elizabeth of 'Health Nut News' -- intellectual owner of the Quack-Culling story -- and if she had any credibility, it would impugn that as well (the inquiring minds at Snopes devoted a fact-checking column to Erin's claims, but couldn't find any). It transpires that her story is a Straw-man made up of False Flags (or possibly vice versa): an example of Controlled Opposition, scripted to bring the Antivax Alt-Med cause into disrepute, with absurd claims that tar everyone with the brush of paranoid ideation; or to heighten the atmosphere of fear; or to redirect and defuse the people's righteous wrath by channeling it along acceptable directions; or possibly all the above.

More investigation here -- equally salacious, but more uncovering of true names, raking up of risqué pasts! The communiqués credit Erin Elizabeth with enough intelligence to recognise the Nazi conspiracy to take over the world using brain-damaging mind-controlling vaccination programs, and since she is not denouncing vaccines with sufficient vehemence, they conclude that she must be part of the conspiracy. They were totally not motivated by the sense of envy provoked by self-publicists who get more attention than the author.
Anti-Ranter propaganda? Or Friday
night at the Old Entomologist?
And there was drama! Luminaries of the Wooniverse weighed in, if only to comment that they didn't have any comment, since the option of "eschewing attention and simply not commenting at all" is patently absurd. The point of "not commenting at this stage" is to imply the possession of sekrit inside knowledge that one is currently prevented from vouchsafing. Readers will receive extra credit for recognising the source of the last comment in the thread, from previous Riddled scamblogging.

As any fule kno, the whole pharma-assassin fantasy began as a re-imagining of the suicide of careerist med-scammer Jeff Bradstreet in June 2015. So 18 months later a Private Forensic Investigator was trying to re-enact the crime, to prove that it was actually murder, in the manner of Five Red Herrings and sundry other classics of criminological training:
Prayers needed... our forensic scientist is in Lake Lure today to conduct the scientific reenactment of the homicide of Jeff and the local detective will not cooperate.
He will not give him the exact location in Broad River where Jeff was found. Why? How can you withhold something like this?
Why would a police detective not want a forensic scientist to come in to help them solve this OPEN police investigation? I just don't get it.... makes you wonder
Progress in the re-investigation has hit a brick wall. My understanding was that the proper response to stonewalling from the local marshalry is to coax the information out of a sympathetic deputy -- with the help of lip-loosening shots of rye whiskey administered in a smoke-filled speakeasy -- but it may be that protocols have advanced since the documentary descriptions by Hammett and Chandler. Why the Private Forensic Investigator waited so long to even consider visiting the crime scene, and how much dispositive evidence might remain after a year in the open elements, these are questions for Cold-Case / CSI watchers more diligent than me.

Some might worry that there is so little to show for the ~$43000 donated for this crucial research through Bradstreet's sister-in-law's GoFundMe page. To assuage such concerns, Candice and Thom were filmed at last year's AutismOne scamfest trade-fair, revoicing their dissatisfaction with the official account.

More recent Facebukkake updates inform us of a second progress / brick-wall encounter, in which a crucial witness accepted the official 'suicide' story and will not cooperate with the inquiry. Which is to say that Bradstreet's widow is a person of interest and a legitimate target for innuendo:
Candice Lee-Bradstreet
[...] We need Jennifer Lackey Bradstreet to talk to Det. Keever NOW. This video only shows a glimpse of the frustration our family endures with her withholding information from the family. [...] Put yourself in our shoes for a moment, feeling completely helpless, tormented with questions, and tormented that we couldn't be there, before she cremated his body, destroying all evidence and any chance we may have had at a second autopsy [...] Jennifer, if you ever read this, or somebody sends this to you, please know that we never wanted to suspect you. You have every opportunity to come forward and speak to law enforcement and clear your name. We want to believe you, we want to move onto other theories, but we can't do it until you talk. Until you do, you will always remain a suspect.
And a third:
Candice Lee-Bradstreet
1 May at 08:41
Regarding the lack of proper extensive tests on the weapon , finger printing ,etc We needed some very important tests done that were not. The car wasn't finger printed either that we are aware of.
Detective Kiever told us that his county did not have a budget for that extensive testing ....
So we offered to pay for it all.... he did not accept our offer.
Each of these accelerated encounters can only agitate the little mollycules of brickyness so that they move so fast as to perveate into the progress, while the little shining adams of progress are likewise in a state of bewhirldyment so they pass conversely into the brick wall, so keep this up for long and  progress becomes 60% brick wall and verce visa -- it is an ineluctable corroboree of the Atomic Theory.

Reassured that the donations were well-spent, we hied ourselves back to the Crowd-funding page to check for further updates... but there is no end to the drama... for suddenly the page is blank, cashed in and folded up, as empty as the chocolate-timtam honesty tin in the Riddled tea-room. No trace remains that it had ever been, apart from archived copies here and there! Sadly, the archive does not include the earliest comments (which were classics of the genre), nor the early dramatic progress reports, which spoke of collecting "tons of information" to be "processed and investigated"... information which must have subsequently evaporated, as often happens if you do not store it in a cryogenic repository.

No doubt Candice will explain the fund's disappearance and disposition as soon as she has finished advertising her new products, and bestowing bless-their-hearts upon Bradstreet's less-estranged family and friends.

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