But a few weeks ago a gathering of 29 Heilprakiters decided that their labcoat-and-stethoscope dress-up games would be enhanced by ingesting a dose of Aquarust party hallucinogens, for a session of group psycholysis. Heilpraktikers are wannabee Holistic Alternative Healers who haven't bothered or haven't been able to meet even the risible standards of training and competence required for licensure as 'naturopaths' or 'homeopaths'. German has 71 words for different kinds of quack... but I digress. The Schaden Freuded itself; they were lightweights and it all ended in freak-outs and ambulances and hilarity. If you can't take the thrills, don't take the pills!
I find myself compelled to sing "Neunundzwanzig Heilpraktikers" to the tune of "Neunundneunzig Luftballons", but I do not have Nena's voice and no-one is fooled.
Dr Edzard Ernst (whose name often appears in propinquity with the word "puckish") speculated that they were working on a homeopathic cure for homeopathy. HA HA he is a cheeky wee scamp.
Others prefer a more dramatic version of reality in which the hospitalised healers had become a threat to Big Pharma, and are lucky to be alive after their narrow escape from Debirthing Therapy. Let's give the Pharma wet-teams credit, they always find a method of assassination or discrediting character assassination that is both plausible and indistinguishable from self-inflicted stupidity. It is an enthralling scenario, fraught with conspiracy and tension, calling out for a Howard Shore soundtrack, much as if Capricorn One met The Parallax View and they had beautiful babies together.
But even that reality remains insufficiently dramatic for Amanda Mary Jewell, perhaps because of its absence of any central role for Amanda Mary Jewell. AMJ is a regular source of material for Riddled, what with her pigbutt colon transplant, and her narrow escapes from the zombie priesthood on Caribbean islands. Her twitter feed is a work of performance art, in which every time her companies' websites are off-line for
So there was this:
AMJ was to have been the 30th Heilpraktiker! Perhaps she was even the real target of the assassination attempt!
Perhaps Die Toten Hosen can be persuaded to re-make a modified, extended version of their 1996 hit.