Thursday, March 12, 2015

He who controls the GcMAF controls the universe

The first thing we teach at Mad Science School is "Don't blow up anyone's head by tinkering randomly with their intra-cranial blood pressure and the permeability of their blood-brain barrier". It creates work for the cleaners and they are wont to demand time-and-a-half.

So imagine our concern when this poster came to our attention, with its gross neglect of the basic tenets of Mad Science, not to mention its colour scheme inspired by a tequila hangover.
Branca, Pacini & Ruggiero blithely report using an off-the-shelf ultrasound scanner to go insane in the membraine. This never ends well:
The limited permeability of the blood brain barrier (BBB), however, is an obstacle to its widespread use in primary brain tumours, as well as in brain metastases. In order to overcome this limitation, we developed a procedure involving the use of focussed ultrasounds that allow selective permeabilisation of the BBB and targeted delivery of OA-GcMAF.
The poster does not say whether the three authors used their scanner to chase each other around the clinic after therapy sessions going PEW PEW PEW.

The second thing we teach at Mad Science School is "Don't create cells that are capable of editing their own DNA". For then they are only one step away from becoming Turing machines, every cell its own computational unit of unlimited capacity, able to emulate any algorithm, and we are in the territory of a CODE BLOOD MUSIC apocalypse scenario. Yet further down the poster we find Branca et al. doing just that, for GcMAF is not only a Macrocyte Activating Factor; it cures cancer by locating and suppressing the genes of canceriness:
the selective interaction between OA-GcMAF and the major oncogenes involved in human cancer.
The third thing we teach is that "Vox Sanguinis" is not 
(a) a stop in a pipe organ; nor
(b) the love interest of a Paranormal Romance teen novel; but in fact
(c) a well-regarded journal of haematology and transfusion science and the broader blood economy, and with a name like that, don't you want to publish there?

One puzzling aspect of the "Swiss Protocol ®" described in the poster is the dual sourcing of GcMAF (the wonder drug that Doctors Don't Tell You About). For purposes of injection it comes from Macro Innovations Ltd, where Dr Rodney Smith uses high-affinity chromatography to extract it from plasma concentrate obtained from the American Red Cross. Dr Smith previously brewed real ales in a Cambridge garage as one half of Meridian Brewery.

That first source is experiencing compliance issues with the fascist bully-boys of the safety regulation authority. But by serendipitous coincidence, a designer yoghurt proves to contain the same human protein, fermented by probiotic bacteria!* This yoghurt-based version is suitable for oral ingestion, or suppositories, or inhaling as an aerosol in the manner of Chanel #5,** or for applying directly to the forehead. Below (left) is our artist's depiction of Dr Marco Ruggiero -- GcMAF impresario -- inspecting a dose in its distinctive round-bodied bottle or 'fiasco'.

Right: Three weeks' supply
So far the fascist bully-boys of safety regulation authorities have not intervened against this second source, forcing its producers to become fugitives from justice, fermenting yoghurt in basements and attics. The Dairy of Anne Frank as it were. The GcMAF must flow!***

We cannot confirm the speculation that a third source of GcMAF exists in the form of giant diseased sheep on Norstrilia.

Here is a second colour scheme inspired by a tequila hangover.
It is in fact the first 21 pages of J.J.V. Branca's Graduation thesis ("New Insights into the Role of HIV in the Aetiology and Pathogenesis of AIDS") -- colour-coded by another, funnier blogger to indicate the original source of each copy-pasted paragraph ("blue for wikipedia, red for Ruggiero, brown for Crupi, green for Bauer, purple for Duesberg...").

The very first paragraph of the Foreword begins with a promise to conduct "thorough, careful, sensitive, and yet transformational readings of [texts] to determine what aspects of those texts run counter to their apparent systematicity (structural unity) or intended sense (authorial genesis)". No doubt you have recognised the passage from the Whackyweedia entry on Derrida. "But who" (you ask) "who was the Supervisor for this exercise in creative appropriation and collage, worthy of Kathy Ackers at her most irritating? Who were the Examiners?"
* "Bravo Probiotic" products are distributed by the company Les Alpes Ltd, owned in Lugano Switzerland by Ruggiero's business associate Fulvia Gianetta Allio, but for administrative convenience it is domiciled in Wellington and operates out of a mailbox on Victoria Street.

** Grimbledon Down cartoon stuck in memory from forty years ago:

*** Effects of long-term GcMAF consumption include blue-within-blue Eyes-of-Ibad; also bodily transformations.


rhwombat said...

Ah. So Ruggerio is a Navigator. That explains a lot. Particularly his tastes.

rhwombat said...

I am currently leaving Alice Springs (the Ancient Capital of Norstrilia) with a hogshead of GcMAF, gleaned from the local brush tailed bettongs. It doesn't do anything worthwhile unless one injects it inrathecally, but it tastes a lot better on cereal that the diseased sheep version.

fish said...

I am not entirely convinced that it was ultrasound that altered the blood brain barrier permeability. I suspect that direct viewing of the poster was responsible for membrane disruption.

Yastreblyansky said...

Branca's thesis is enchanting. It demonstrates, I believe, that what begins with authorial genesis must end with authorial apocalypse.

Smut Clyde said...

Perhaps it could have done with more authorial revelation.