Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Dystopiary: Unravelling Trees edition

O hai orificer. Yes, always delighted to assist the forces of Lora Norder. I can spare a few minutes, even though tonight is Shuffleboard and Eutelic Cell-lineages in common Tardigrade Species Trivia Night down at the Old Entomologist.

Another Kiwi? What's he done now? I mean, I will vouch for his blemishless character, though not pay --

No, his neighbour must be mistaken. Why would AK be trying to influence his dreams? And how? Frankly this talk of dream-influencing equipment sounds a bit hatstand calenture.

Ah well, that's the neighbour's mistake right there. He might be engaged in competitive vegetable husbandry with the oversized onions and the hum'rously-shaped parsnips, but that doesn't mean that AK is competing with him. I am quietly confident that my colleague has never engaged in unethical recombinant-DNA experiments with salsify and can account for every drop of the Taq polymerase, and therefore has no motive to be tormenting his neighbour every night with Nightmare 41-C/e.5(ii), "Revenge of the Plant World: Anthropophagy" in order to unsettle him. Next on the dial beside 41-C/e.4, "Revenge of the Plant World: Bonsai".

No, just a lucky guess.

8 comments:

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Maybe yes, maybe no, S.C.

A.K. does seem to have a keen interest in onion husbandry...
~

fish said...

I think AK took the quote "ogres are like onions" a bit too literally.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

He might be engaged in competitive vegetable husbandry with the oversized onions and the hum'rously-shaped parsnips

The way he looks at that allium, Onion Man looks like he approaches "vegetable husbandry" in a whole new way!

. I am quietly confident that my colleague has never engaged in unethical recombinant-DNA experiments with salsify

There were rumors that he had a DNA sample from the late, great Celia Cruz, and was bioengineering a super salsa-salsify.

mikey said...

I suspect it is because the only thing that rhymes with 'onion' is Paul Bunyan.

And that would be silly...

Substance McGravitas said...

Nice try. AK is not all sweet cress and light.

Smut Clyde said...

only thing that rhymes with 'onion'

Bunion, sir. And grunion. These do not let themselves to particularly appealing limericks.

Just saying, to no-one in particular, that just because a plant is called a "vegetable oyster", that does not mean it has to secrete pearls or squirt water in my eye when I try to eat it.

Another Kiwi said...

Er, is rhubarb a tree?

tigris said...

Just saying, to no-one in particular, that just because a plant is called a "vegetable oyster", that does not mean it has to secrete pearls or squirt water in my eye when I try to eat it.

Oh ho, NOW who's not excited about the inter-kingdom breeding program. I seem to recall someone being rather proud that his lobster mushrooms really pinched.