Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Ontology recapitulates Orogeny

To help our overseas readers better understand the intricacies and subtleties of the New Zealand psyche, Riddled brings you a series of posts devoted to our pivotal cultural figures. Last week, you recall, it was the turn of Ron Sharp, inventor of the herringbone milking-shed. This week we turn our attention to Charles Andrew Cotton, pioneer of geomorphology.

After years of rejection by the NZ scientific community for his disturbingly radical ideas about peneplains, Cotton considered throwing it all in and pursuing a career in art instead. However, his drawing "River Piracy" (right) was rejected by the Wellington Salon of 1911, while his "Father and Mother" (below) from the same period was deemed to be obscene and his name was held up to obloquy in church pulpits as a corruptor of the morality of the young.


During a cycling holiday across Europe in 1913, Cotton ran into the poet Rilke and the two of them ended up playing drinking games in an Italian village. Cotton helped his friend overcome his writer's block by convincing him to include geomeorphological imagery in the Third Duino Elegy.

In obscurity, wracked by self-doubt, Cotton wrestled with the first draft of his magisterial work Geomorphology of New Zealand, as depicted here in a famous painting by Colin McCahon. A copy hangs in every NZ classroom and the painting also appears on the 5 Milk-bottle-tops Stamp.

However, his vindication was coming. New Zealand geology had been without a leader since Alexander McKay died in 1917, leaving no heir. Academic infighting gripped the field. Then it became known that McKay's pick-ax was embedded in the wall of the Hairy Mary Creek in Otago. Passing that way in 1925, Cotton pulled it loose, and in accordance with a prophesy he was immediately elected the rightful ruler of the NZ geological fraternity.

In the final months of his life, Cotton fell under the delusion that he was in fact a Miocene-era volcanic massif and that the doctors in attendance were glaciers waiting for him to die so that they could dissect his form and create Akaroa Harbour.

After his death, his ashes were baked into bricks and used to create a scale model of the Seaward Kaikoura Range.

40 comments:

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Passing that way in 1925, Cotton pulled it loose, and in accordance with a prophesy he was immediately elected the rightful ruler of the NZ geological fraternity.

Now that's how it's done!

We keep messing with elections here in upside-up land. And look where it's gotten us!
~

Another Kiwi said...

A masterful account of 'King' Cotton. I had forgotten the sheer visceral excitement of "Father and Mother" and well remember the faintings of various church members when it was unveiled in Whanganui, all those years ago.

Unknown said...

When Colin realized the scale of his rival's works he was heard to say...I was.

Substance McGravitas said...

Charles Cotton built on the work of New Zealand’s early geologists to become the country’s most influential geomorphologist

I can say with confidence that I am my country's premiere leaping granny artist.

Smut Clyde said...

We are all but dwarfs sitting on the faces of giants.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

We are all but dwarfs sitting on the faces of giants.

That would explain the jollity.

Smut Clyde said...

Also the greenness.

Another Kiwi said...

Not to mention the looks in the workplace from PEOPLE WHO SHOULD KNOW BETTER!

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

still weird.

WV is "wombed" which reveals more about the Riddled sexual predilections than I wanted to know.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

On the whole, though, better than Sadly No for at least two reasons: Fewer comments, and fewer comments by actor212.

Three reasons: More Blue Oyster Cult content.

Hamish Mack said...

Ahem! Also, studmuffins.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

I have supervised the construction of many buildings, and I have NEVER seen a contractor use muffins in, near, or as substitutes for studs.

I question your experience.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

I also want to have the booth review the Ahem.

Smut Clyde said...

still weird.

I was not aware that we had invited the readership to suggest suitable epitaphs.

Hamish Mack said...

I must admit to a certain thumblessness in the building anything stakes but if the edifice in question was a muffin of the studious persuasion it might be referred to as a studmuffin. I think that there is precedent for this in something I read once or maybe saw perhaps on TV

Substance McGravitas said...

I recommend "One more won't hurt."

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

I recommend "One more won't hurt."

I have that stenciled over my alcohol cabinet.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

I was not aware that we had invited the readership to suggest suitable epitaphs.

Sir, your avatar is an open toilet.

What DIDN'T you invite?

Smut Clyde said...

a certain thumblessness in the building anything stakes

Arthur Conan Doyle wrote a story around that theme.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Another Kiwi (and I doubt that is your REAL name) even Ned B will tell you that muffins do not have some of the most desirable structural properties.

To name two, compressive strength and lack of blueberries.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

20% to an official Zardoz. If anybody wants to make it qualifiable, please do. I have work to do, such as it is.

Unknown said...

Tell Lady Gaga that.

copporc, too much muffin

Smut Clyde said...

I recall a similar conversation some months ago about post-&-lentil construction. Clearly ZRM does not understand that NZ building codes differ from those he is used to.

Smut Clyde said...

I recommend "One more won't hurt."
I have that stenciled over my alcohol cabinet.


DKW's mum has it tattooed above SHUT UP SMUT

Hamish Mack said...

Indeed muffin technology here is said to be at the leaden edge in terms of buildings that look nice and may not hurt so much when they fall on you.

Unknown said...

And lets not forget our weetbix built kids, oh and houses...and a zombie questioning the existence of a Kiwi, unheard of...bring on the 'venging hobbits!

const, a Gerry-built housing group in Christchurch.(overseas beings catchup please).

Substance McGravitas said...

WeetAbix!

Unknown said...

There's no big A for Authority here due to to our egalitarianismismist stances, including stolen boot polish artifacts and suchlike talk to our lawyers for noticing we stole Mars bars and made them Moro etc.

tuticri, everybody sad.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

buildings that look nice and may not hurt so much when they fall on you.


admittedly, Mr. __B may be more experienced in such than I.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

get our weetbix built kids, oh and houses...and a zombie questioning the existence of a Kiwi, unheard of...bring on the 'venging hobbits!



..eeee, apparently a tender subject.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Clearly ZRM does not understand that NZ building codes differ from those he is used to.

yes, clearly.

Unknown said...

You know nothing of the nature of the hairy footed one's...the nature of the monkey is irrepressible!

Smut Clyde said...

I call SMcG's attention to the Weetbix Emperor website, as evidence for the correct spelling.

Smut Clyde said...

I concede that muffin top does not hurt so much when it falls on you but I am not sure about the "looks nice" part.

Substance McGravitas said...

ɹoɹǝdɯƎ xıqʇǝǝM is too hard to read. Haven't you got an American website to link to?

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

"muffin Architecture" returns incoherent results, although this result Seems to indicate Goofle has a poor understanding of the request.

mikey said...

In my confusion, I have nothing to offer.

Of any import.

Of course, there was that time that Linda Rondstadt saved my life.

I should tell y'all about that sometime...

Smut Clyde said...

Muffin architecture at Wellington Airport:
http://static.worldarchitecturenews.com/news_images/1981_4_1000%20wellington%20trick%201.jpg

We return you now to mikey's story.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Doesn't look like muffins. More like strombolis.

Substance McGravitas said...

They're Jack Kirby robot heads.