Friday, July 22, 2016

Happy 21st Birthday, Doktorling Sonja!

This doesn't mean that we will let you drive the family car.
Even now the Frau Doktorin is festooning the house with balloons and glitter in preparation for your return from university.
Just don't feel obliged to shock us with a new piercing, or with a scanty costume like last time.

God Win

Teh Dim-Post (a New Zealand political-humour blogger) has a bleg:
I am now obsessed with and addicted to reading about the US election campaign. My favourite commentator at the moment is democratic blogger Josh Marshall – but who else is good? I’d be very interested in reading an intelligent informed right-wing perspective, if that’s even a thing in contemporary US politics.
I have referred him to the works of William L. Shirer.

Saturday, July 16, 2016

Strange shapes light up the sky

Let the record show that none of us at the Riddled Research Institute has experimented with creating buds with artificial light. Especially not GroLux tubes.

This why we are not being published in Proc R Soc B:

Light pollution
Disappointingly, ffrench-Constant et al. fail to cite the pioneering speculations of Joyce, J. (1920):

Bonus streetlight pollution
But as Hugh Kenner reported, Joyce's characters were in turn inspired by (and failed to cite) an article on page 1 of the Dublin Evening Telegraph of Bloomsday (June 16, 1904) on "queer things which happen to flowers when they are exposed to the electric light". So we can hardly condemn ffrench-Constant et al. Such is the low state of scholarship in the our fallen academic world today.

Needs moar UPDATES and pictures and stuff.

Friday, July 15, 2016

Just Kidding

"Oh" the New Zild tax department might say, "there is that Another Kiwi pulling himself up by his own, and others, bootstraps and getting paid income and such. Surely the free markets, MGBTN, have no finer example of rewarding the fecklessness of some people."
And it is true, paid income and such has been happening in frightening amounts of hours if not in terms of your actual money. One finds oneself in the forefront of the New Economy and having 3, yes, THREE, zero hours contracts! Unheard of amounts of coins are falling down the edges of the New Zild societal couch.
One must also make a strong recommendation for accepting any offers of Steamed Potato tasting work. A nice little earner and free steamed potato. I kid you not. Also milkshake lollies, for free, what a time to be alive!
In an attempt to spread the new found wealth of nations throughout the nation I sallied forth to a coffee kiosk which is cunningly situated right alongside the pathway from the carpark to the lecture theatres at the university where I am triply blessed.
 Noticing that there was no one else waiting there and with the same spirit of daring-do that inspired me to pull my straps up through my boots I vouchsafed to the kiosk inmate that I would like some coffee.
"Certainly, good sir" that unfortunate replied "and may I say that you have the scruffy old geezer look down good and proper"
"Why thank you" I answered "I have been tasting steamed potatoes"
"Ah hah" he said and stepped behind the safety shield provided to all who have to deal with uncaffeinated students.
Whilst he unlocked the bean safe and filled out the forms for the sugar dispensing unit my mind resumed it's usual flibbertigibbet motion around various projects that I am involved in now..
How had the 19 rabbits got into the -20C freezer during 2009? No one remembers putting them in there and the rabbits would not have been able to write "2009 Rabbits" on the side of the bag. And why did they all decide to hop in there? 2009 was not a great year but hardly bad enough for a mass rabbit "Bugger this, we are all going to freeze ourselves". Or was it? I confess to being somewhat out of the loop in Leporidae current affairs.
Maybe 2009 was a bad year for rabbits being one year after the Global Financial Crisis which may have impacted on the price of carrots.
Or was it some rabbit equivalent of Charles Manson "Look if we all hop in the bag and throw ourselves in the freezer, the pigs will all just go away". I just don't know. Maybe the unexplained Stoat at the other end of the freezer could tell us.
Also I was pleased to see plenty of Taq Polymerase in there and a "Cloning Kit"
Then my mind was sharply interrupted by a message on the Coffee kiosk radio. Apparently 50,000 Kiwis had gone missing in the last 10 years! I was surprised having heard nothing of the loss of a provincial centre amount of people. You would think someone would say something i.e. "Oh look Taupo has gone. That's unusual". And not such a bad thing, maybe some people, not me, would say.
But no, the Deep Voiced Radio Person assured me it was not an actual place but BEEBIES!
This, I thought, was really bad. People get quite attached to their children and marauding Vikings stealing them would lead to societal problems down the line.
Where would they keep them I wondered, in big camps?  Wouldn't someone say something.? Perhaps, and this is entirely possible, it is some new society thing I don't know about such as Pokemon Go.
 I know that Scandinavian countries have good child-care provisions but does that run to marauded babies?
Deep Voice Radio person then told me the whole story. IT WAS ABORTIONS!! Stealing away potential kiwis and causing irreparable damage to something or another. If I felt strongly enough about this I should send money to them because it is very expensive to have Deep Voiced Radio People telling me about the loss of potential kiwis.
I wanted to ask DVRP about how the extra 50,000 would fit in given that we don't have enough houses for those that didn't get stolen by marauding abortionists.
Is there an empty town somewhere in NZ with bitter town planners still waiting, waiting.
This is when I started to laugh, of course, since the grift is always amusing and in terms of effectiveness the action it takes is similar to farting at a hurricane. NZ has moved on a bit, in general while, of course, there are always some rubes to be fleeced.
I wondered how the radio for the kiosk is chosen, noting that the inmate had earphones on and was crouched over a laptop when I arrived and making disc spinning DJ motions with his hands. Certainly he did not say "Here's your coffee, how about those 50,000 potential children then?" "Buy them a potential coffee" I would have cheerfully replied.

Tuesday, July 12, 2016

Mushroom of the Future

Just look at my fine Agrocybes parasitica!
With C.O.U.S. for scale:
Mrs Spat agrees that they taste delicious.

UPDATE: According to the unimpeachable authority of Dan Dare (Pilot of the Future), the mushroom of the future is in fact Fay-Saw, found only on Mercury: "It grows in the few places where water is found and drains oxygen through its roots from the surface of the planet."

It is particularly lethal to Treens.

Saturday, July 9, 2016

Ram Testicle Palpation Explained by Prime Minister.

Four Why? Men. Picture Stolen from Metro magazine

Warning to all citizens: If these men come to your house do not let them in. Do not sign any papers they may present. Put headphones on and sing along with the music until they are gone.
These folks are (left to right) NZ Attorney General Chris Finlayson, Minister of Bribes to Saudi Arabia Murray McCully, Prime Minister "What me, worry" John Key and Minister for Up Your Nose with a Garden Hose Gerry Brownlee.
Finlayson is doing his best to control his temper at being asked to be in the same room as these morons whose three combined brains do not equal 1/4 of his super-intellect and steely resolve. Disturbingly he has done some good work on Maori land negotiations but has the most vituperative language when questioned about anything.
"What's the time Mr. AG". "You would ask that, you worthless piece of slime. Can't you see I'm busy?"
McCully has done sterling work in getting rid of excess money in trying to placate Saudi businessmen who just revealed last week that 1) They hadn't been going to take the NZ government to court and 2) Come and take all these dead sheep and bones away WTF is wrong with you people?
McCully seems to have bravely taken on the project of pumping money and sheep at the Saudis with no help, or even knowledge about the jolly wheeze, from the rest of the government. Murray may survive the unseemliness as the twitter verse swirls around what sort of photos he has that make him invulnerable.
Dear Leader Key is doing one of his classic deflections (it is always misdirection) as, perhaps, a journalist asks him a question that has an answer that hasn't been focus groped to submission by his PR firm and his minders. Ha ha, silly old AK no one asks those questions any more. Mr Key has taken to blaming the banks for the housing Not-a-Crisis in NZ at the moment  in a plaintive "What can I do" sort of manner. He is a prisoner of cruel fate just like all of us and if he didn't have a house in Hawaii he would be forced to live in NZ and that would be just awful.
Mr. Brownlee is doing his best Easter Island moai impersonation because that is less trouble than when he talks and all them words come out and basically It Is Not Fair. A couple of weeks ago Mr Brownlee informed a breathless nation that the new Convention Centre that the government was going to build in Christchurch in a partnership with a private firm was actually going to be on their own after all. We were just silly to think that it was a going to be a partnership after years of being told it was going to be one because reasons.
The government is looking a little shaky at the moment due to various inept or, in McCully's case, actual breaking the law cases. But I'm sure that will not be reflected in the polls due to John Key's a good bloke you'd like to have a beer with.

Go home, Interducts, you are drunk

This exists, because Intergrid:

Private academies with tuition in Lorem Ipsum.

There are many of these websites. Perhaps it was a mistake to install the Joomla "Responsive Education Theme" but not have the L337 H@XX0r skills to customise it.