Monday, August 3, 2015

What fresh hell is this?
(Farnham Freehold edition)

"Wait, what?" we exclaimed. "Not another torture-porn horror movie hoeing the well-rutted row of Hostel and Turistas!?"

Words cannot express our relief to discover that the histrionic headline actually adorns a blogpost from one Amanda Mary Jewell, autodidact Senior Cancer Researcher... she is on a working holiday in Dominica but is sensing a mood of hostility among the Dominicans, who unfairly suspect her to be an exploitative grifter. Through her blog she pleads with the UK authorities for declarations of her non-grifterhood, which would greatly increase the comfort of her sojourn in Dominica while she scopes out locations for an Alt-Health cancer clinic there, safe from UK and US regulatory busybodies.

All this might come as news to those of us who last heard of Amanda and Doug Jewell only 6 weeks ago when UK Trading Standards officials dropped in on a multilevel-marketing seminar at their manor-house in Farnham, Surrey. Which may not be the buckle of the Stockbroker Belt but is at least the third hole. The visit attracted more than the usual amount of media attention as the seminar was devoted not to tupperware, nor Avon cosmetics, but rather to promoting industrial-bleach enema kits, for treating cancer or autism by burning out the intestines of the patient. Also it was held under the auspices of the Genesis II Church... this being an organisation that was founded in the hope of bringing industrial bleach under the aegis of Religious Freedom with the enema as its sacrament.

Reports of the investigation in the UK tabloid press -- with their predictably prurient focus on the whole 'enema' aspect -- are evidently what inflamed the imaginations of the child-like, easily-led Dominicans, so if Ms Jewell dies in a native uprising or is sacrificed to their giant ape deity then it will all be the fault of Trading Standards, first for the Surrey investigation, and then for not proclaiming her to be innocent of everything.

It emerges that in the interim Ms Jewell has experienced a Road-to-Meniscus conversion, and left the Church and its clyster communion behind her. In its place she has discovered (and this is what brings the whole hairball of a story into the purview of Riddled) the panaceal properties of GcMAF (You would not believe the paperwork involved in changing every "MMS" reference in the website replacing a ".com" website with one at Wordpress). Hence the move to Dominica and the plan to spread the gospel of the healing protein with a chain of clinics across the Caribbean.
Jewell noted she will be in Dominica probably until mid August and then go on to Antigua where she is also working on a project similar to the one she is hoping to set up in Dominica.
Amanda is greatly concerned about the Great Culling of GcMAF grifters. Will she become the next victim?

One thing we know about dystopian future gubblements is that they  broadcast 'killing as an organised sport' as a Reality-TV series, as panem-et-circenses to distract the masses. This always happens. It must be a tradition, or an old charter or something. Just saying, if it becomes GcMAF-dealers versus Big Pharma wet-teams, I will watch the hell out of that series.


Though if someone wants to re-make The 10th Victim they might need someone younger than Ursula Andress to play the part of Ms Jewell.

Anyways... the Bulgarian hotel / spa 'Pearl Lodge' -- where formerly the Jewells hosted dying guests on package tours where they experienced a restorative health regimen of skiing, exercise, waters and underground-bunker survivalism (and bleach enemas) -- now serves as an entry point for importing "second generation GcMAF" from the Saisei-Mirai manufactory in Japan* and distributing it across Europe. See, all above board! Though Amanda is loath to supply UK customers with the Saisei-Mirai product, instead referring them to 1stProEngineering.com. Perhaps this is a matter of professional courtesy. Readers may remember 1stProEngineering as being one of the tangled skein of companies set up by Trevor Banks and Lesley Hutchings, to on-sell versions of GcMAF-labelled products -- sourced from FirstImmune but diluted or homeopathic but enhanced with colloidal silver or Emu oil.

Meanwhile Ms Jewell is intent on convincing the Dominicans that industrial bleach is no longer part of her artistic practice business model (although she will not go so far in her apostasy as to condemn the Genesis Church outright, for it does good work in the area of forcing bleach into children's intestines). Also:
  • Her only association with the Church's activities was to provide a room in the Farnham mansion for the use of Arch-Bishop Mark Grenon to exercise his Bishopric.
  • It wasn't even her mansion, but someone else's, where she and Doug were merely visitors themselves.
  • The investigation of the seinar by authorities was totally not a raid with all the negative connotations of that word; in fact she personally invited the inspectors in for a friendly chat.
The comment threads of the Dominica News Online reportage are a thing to behold, as lively as maggot-ridden meat, with a swarm of new commenters leaping to Ms Jewell's defense and vouching for her sterling work with orphans. I am not making this up.
---------------------------------------------------
* The Saisei-Mirai chain of cancer clinics in Japan offer an eclectic, non-judgemental portfolio of long-abandoned pre-chemotherapy treatments including Laetrile, Ukrain and Coley Toxins, as well as cutting-edge woo and their own special patented GcMAF-labelled product. They make enough money to buy a 2012 special issue of Nature, with 5 pages of advertorial for the chain's therapeutic options  though the issue seems to have been recently unpublished from the Nature website.

Saturday, August 1, 2015

I have a noble cause for skin,
there's just too many of them

Another Kiwi refuses to believe that the New World Order plans for most of us to die and be made into leather [for dancing in]. I deploy argument after argument; I point out the Georgia Guidestones on which the Double-Redacted-Secret Agenda is graven in granite for all to read; but he will not let himself be suede.
Winnowing the human population down to a sustainable level requires not only ruthlessness and stern measures, and total control of the food supply, and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope. These are necessary but not sufficient conditions. The Great Culling (® Rima Laibow) also calls upon the tireless efforts of a cadre of statisticians and actuaries, to identify which occupational groups are over-represented in society and need to be culled next (through coincidental 'accidents' and 'incidents' and 'suicides') so as to maintain the optimal social balance even as the population dwindles.

So one day you might read about a wave of mysterious disappearance and deaths among Marconi engineers and scientists...

...Then it was the turn of climatologists...
...And now we evidently have more Alt-Med quacksalvers and holistic wallet-lightening therapists than society really needs. Oh hi there Erin Elizabeth, who broke this story after the New World Order murdered US autism grifter Jeff Bradstreet and disguised it as a suicide... followed quickly by chiroquacks dying of heart attacks despite their meticulous self-treatment , and disappearances, and the alleged murder of an osteopath by her husband. Clearly there was CIA mind-control programming involved, because why else would she marry a jealously violent wrestler? -- one whose murder program They could activate at any moment -- which means that her death was planned YEARS IN ADVANCE.

The most recent victim of the heart-attack hitsquad was a celebrated sweetbread-pill and coffee-enema enthusiast. Erin is rightfully concerned for her own safety and for that of her husband Joe Mercola -- who is himself a prominent figure in Alt-Med circles -- and no-one will be surprised were she to vanish unaccountably, along with most of his money.

Tomorrow, who knows, perhaps there will be more actuaries than a shrunken population still requires, and it will be Statistician's Day.


But wait, there's more!
Not everyone accepts my mundane "Members of an over-stocked occupation" account for these events. An alternative theory has it that these individuals KNEW TOO MUCH: whether chiroquacks or osteos or mainstream doctors, whether well-known or obscure, they had all become privy to crucial details of the Depopulation Agenda -- so their silence was necessary. And now I have learned the details myself, so the only way to keep myself safe is to pass them on to you readers and put you at risk instead... those are the rules in Japanese horror movies, it must be a charter or an old tradition or something.
And in the manner of vomit, and returning dogs, it all involves that protean protein GcMAF. If dogs cared about their reputation they would work out some form of mutual assistance so as to return to one another's vomit instead of their own. But I digress.

In early versions of the story, everyone was silenced because they had learned that GcMAF cures everything -- thereby threatening the fortunes of Big Pharma -- but further details have emerged with every re-telling around the camp-fire, and now we know that it's all about the vaccinations (it always is).
What the now-dead or missing alternative doctors apparently discovered was that Nagalase was intentionally being put in children’s vaccines in order to inhibit their natural immunity.
Nagalase blocks the body's own production of GcMAF, see, causing autism and cancer and chronic illness. And whence cometh this α-N-acetylgalactosaminidase? In conventional medical science it is a necessary enzyme for sugar metabolism, such that a deficiency causes neurological degeneration and early death; but in alternative equally-valid versions of reality it is not of human origin at all, and could only have been introduced into our bodies through injections (chemtrails are not fit for purpose).
Nagalase is like a stealth bomber, the nagalase enzyme synthesized in or released from cancer cells or a virus particle pinpoints the GcMAF protein facilities on the surface of your T and B lymphocytes and simply wipes them out with an incredibly precise bomb.
Dr. Bradstreet and his colleagues also learned that the nagalase protein was not present in children at birth but was somehow introduced into autistic children, they felt, during the immunization process.
Our ultimate source for these ventriloquistic insights into the thoughts of dead people is a "Dr" Ted Broers, who is (depending on your preferred reality) either a religious affinity scammer and the originator of "Scriptural Nutrition", or an "internationally recognized health and nutrition doctor". “Internationally recognized” could be a polite way of saying “Sought in a number of jurisdictions”.

EVEN nagalase laced vaccinations!
Ice cream, Mandrake! Children’s ice cream!

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Keep the Giraffe Burning

It is time again to announce the results of last week's competition, and to thank all those busy little Riddled readers who sent in their entries.

The competition was (as any fule kno) to suggest a new flag for the People's Sovereign and Surrealist Republic of Cæsura, for when we declare the independence of stately Riddled Manor. This will happen Real Soon Now, as soon as we finish the paperwork -- or consume too many pints of Gleamhound's Sobriety Draught in the course of Pycnogonid Racing Night at the Old Entomologist -- whichever comes first.

As always, the judges were impressed by the creativity of the submissions... if not by their originality. Another Kiwi was sure that he had seen two of the entries previously, and had to retire to the Chaise Longue with a tall glass of gin to steady his nerves.

Shame on you, Mr V. N. Throgmorton! There is no place in the People's Republic for plagiarised flag designs, except when we are stealing Myles na gCopaleen jokes perhaps in the rubbish bin along with that sternly-worded legal missive from the Musée Magritte.

Then Greenish Hugh transcended the quaint tradition for flags to be assembled out of fabric, instead carving one from a piece of pavement that he had torn up from the back alley while searching for the beach. HA HA it is a flagstone.
Novel media and stone-based artistic practice are all very well but the entry is not easy to hoist, and the flagpole bends alarmingly when you do, so I think we will not be adopting Hugh's design.

"A flag-ship works perfectly," said Space-Time Eddy; "You just need a thicker flagpole."
But does it flutter in the breeze? DOES IT BOG-ROLL.
At this point the attention of the judging committee began to flag (as it were) and we turned to more interesting concerns, like choosing a form of motorised armour to equip the People's Republic Defensive Forces. We settled on fish-tanks.

Thursday, July 23, 2015

The inhabitants of that street impressed me peculiarly. At first I thought it was because they were all silent and reticent; but later decided it was because they were all very old. I do not know how I came to live on such a street, but I was not myself when I moved there. I had been living in many poor places, always evicted for want of money; until at last I came upon that tottering house in Baker Street, kept by the paralytic Mrs Hudson. 221B was the third house from the top of the street, and by far the tallest of them all


From The Casebook of Erich Zann, Consulting Detective.
...The absence of Conan Doyle / H. P. Lovecraft cross-overs is not satisfactory.

Leaning back in his armchair of an evening, he would close his eyes and scrape carelessly at the fiddle which was thrown across his knee. Sometimes the chords were sonorous and melancholy. Occasionally they were fantastic and cheerful. Clearly they reflected the thoughts which possessed him, but whether the music aided those thoughts, or whether the playing was simply the result of a whim or fancy, was more than I could determine. I often heard sounds which filled me with an indefinable dread—the dread of vague wonder and brooding mystery. It was not that the sounds were hideous, for they were not; but that they held vibrations suggesting nothing on this globe of earth, and that at certain intervals they assumed a symphonic quality which I could hardly conceive as produced by one player.

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Ethics in gamma journalism

It is not immediately clear why Mavi et al. set about exposing blue-green algae and cyanobacteria to gamma radiation from a Cobalt-60 source.
Perhaps they dreamed of mutating the algae into an advanced form of sentient vegetation which would obliterate entire continents beneath its murderous biomass. Doesn't every mad scientist?
You won't believe what happened next! Algae and bacteria proved to selectively absorb the γ-rays, making them into better radiation shields than lead!
Protection capacity of some biomass was observed to be higher than a 1-cm thick lead standard for comparison. Gamma ray related protection depends not only to thickness but also to density (g/cm³). Hence the effect of biomass density also was tested and significantly found the tested biomass absorbed more of the incoming energy on a density basis than lead. This paper discusses the a new approach to environmental protection from gamma ray, The findings suggest that the test samples, especially cyanobacteria, have a potential for reducing gamma ray more significantly than lead and can be used as shielding materials.
Now this has the downside that irradiation sterilisation of Sushi rolls will be harder than we first thought, because the nori wrapping will soak up the lethal beams and shield the contents. There is also the concern that mutant algae would flourish on the airless, unshielded environment on the moon -- to the surprise of visiting astronauts! -- for rather than incur damage from x-ray and γ-ray wavelengths, it would thrive on ionising radiation, using the energy for photosynthesis in the manner of reactor-dwelling mildew.
But every pig's ear has a silver lining, and an ill wind is bad at fellatio (or something), and let us look at the positive side. A fabric or film made of gammasynthetic algae is the ideal material for constructing a radiation-proof atom-bomb-protective suit, with the added bonus that you could wear it on Hallowe'en as a Sexy Sushi-Roll costume.
It remains to be seen whether such a costume would also provide protection against falling rhomboids.
UPDATE: Retraction Watch alerts us to the fact that the Mavi et al. paper has been expunged from the scientific record on account of "issues with the data".

This is hardly a satisfying explanation for the depublication and I am inclined to blame the self-serving behind-the-scenes machinations of the Big Lead lobby.

UPDATE #2: Bonus Atom-Bomb Protection Suit from Toyen.

Monday, July 20, 2015

Spellcheck. Is it your friend?

Spoiler alert: NO.

Derp animal* is amused.
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* From the Otoyo Jinja shrine.